YART SALE! YART SALE! YART SALE!

So, what on earth is a Yart Sale? It is Etsy's form of a yard sale for artist. Don't worry, you don't need to map out anything and drive around town looking for open artist garages. You just need to go to etsy.com and in the search engine type in the words 'yart sale'. When you do you will find a feast fit for the bargain art shopper in you. Four whole days of wonder sales from artist all over the world- and you don't even have to change out of your PJ's to enjoy the savings!

I'm doing a custom order sale- If you place an order for a custom set of wine glass charms, (4 or more charms), with me between June 10th at 12:00 am to June 14 at 11:59 pm, you get a free matching bottle necklace along with free shipping on your order!

Now, head on over to Etsy and support your local artist!

Life Goes On...

Despite our world being turned upside down right now, life still continues to go on.

Elektra is slowly growing out of her allergies, (although it looks like she will most likely never grow out of her allergy to nuts).

Ray is still working and enjoying life in the Navy. He has also been working his butt off at the gym and has lost a lot of weight. Keep up the good work honey!

As for me, I am surprisingly doing very well. My liver numbers are awesome! And I have not had a single sickle cell crisis, knock on wood! August 8th will mark my 1 year anniversary of having a new liver. Ray is already asking me what I want to do to celebrate the event. Well, if things work out the way we are praying it will, hopefully I can celebrate it with family and friends in Phoenix. (Yes, I know, any excuse for a party!)

I continue to work on my Etsy store and website. Ray continues to amaze me everyday. And we both are growing stronger and together in our faith.

Elektra is still with Corinna right now, but we are doing what we can to get her placed with family in Arizona and allow Corinna to return home to her family in Florida.

For those of you who have not seen Elektra in a while, she is talking more like a big girl and getting bigger everyday. Even though she looks more like me, her personality is all Ray! We miss her so much. The house feels very lonely without the sounds of children in it. Even though this is our house, without our kids it just doesn't feel much like a home anymore.

We will get through this. Despite the pain our family is being put through. Despite the grief we still feel over the loss of our son. Despite the agony of having our daughter- now our only living child- taken away from us and having to fight to win her back. Despite Satan laughing in our face. We take comfort in knowing that, 'This To Shall Pass'. We will be a family again. We will get through this. And life will go on.

Random Acts Of Cuteness

**Warning! The following pictures may cause other mothers to 'ooh' and 'aww' over a kid that is not their own. It may also cause battles between grandmothers and great grandmothers as they attempt to 'one-up each other' with their friends on who's grandchild is cuter. You have been warned.**

"Okay mom. I'm really getting tired of you taking pictures of me. Seriously, put the camera phone down and do some knitting or something."

"Does this shower cap make my butt look big?"

"Oh, don't mind the slurping sounds. I'm still listening to you. Continue."

You think everything grows big in Texas? Well, you haven't seen what's been growing at Costco! That's not a melon next to her head. It's a grapefruit!

An oldie but goodie. This picture was taken while I was still in the hospital recovering from my liver transplant.

A Day At Gymboree

On Saturday, April 18th, Elektra was invited to the birthday party of her friend, Joel. It was Joel's 1st birthday and he was celebrating it at the local Gymboree. This was Elektra's first time at Gymboree and she wasted no time trying out everything that the place had to offer.

Elektra making a perfect dismount off the high beams.
This girl's flawless performance has just earned her a spot in the next Olympics!

Now, she is making her way onto the high board.

She shoots! She scores! Unbelievable shot with just seconds left on the clock.

Elektra's floor routine was interrupted by a jealous competitor.

That's going to be a penalty for Russia.

Okay, I'm done with the Olympic references.

Here was the highlight of the party for Elektra- Bubbles!

"Bubbles, bubbles, bubbles, bubbles! My bubbles!"

Here is the whole birthday party gang. Joel, the birthday boy, is the little boy in the center being held by the girl in the pink shorts. In the back row where Elektra is sitting, three kids over from her, wearing the Mickey Mouse tee shirt is Noah, one of Elektra's boyfriends.

Elektra had a lot of fun. By the time we got home she was knocked out!

Easter Eggs, Candy and Peeps. Oh My!

Well, Easter weekend was filled with activities for Elektra. On Saturday our church hosted a community Easter Egg Hunt at the nearby park. Tons of kids were there. Ray took Elektra out to the field to pick eggs. Ray told her to pick up the eggs and when she looked around to see all 500+ eggs spread out across the field she said , "uh-un", meaning 'no'. She thought she had to pick up ALL the eggs. But soon she got the hang of it and came back with a nice stash.

Hunting for eggs

Relaxing after a hard day of egg hunting

This is what the Easter bunny left for Elektra on Easter morning

Here is Elektra all dressed in her Easter Sunday best. This is the only good shot I could get of her. She did not want to have her picture taken.

After church, Ray took some Easter lilies up to John's grave while Elektra and I went back home and changed clothes. We had to get ready for yet another Easter egg hunt that was being held on base hosted by the local police and fire department. I must say that hunt was a straight out ruthless battle of parents pushing over little kids to get the 'golden eggs' that held a ticket for a prize inside. I spent most of that hunt just keeping Elektra out of the way of egg brawls. But Elektra had fun, despite the other parents.

Needless to say, Elektra got way more candy then she needed and I'm still finding plastic eggs behind the couch and under the beds. I swear those things can be just as bad as confetti and holiday tinsel!

Our Little Angel

On February 19th our son, John was declared brain dead due to two massive strokes he endured. On February 20th his heart finally gave its last beats as God gave John his wings.

Ray and I took some prints of John's feet and hands to add to his memory box that the hospital gave us. In the box is a collection of little reminders of John that we can add to and look through anytime we feel the need.

Our son's final resting place. He is in good company with his great uncle Frank watching over him. The lilies are from the Easter service.

Although he is no longer with us, John will never stop being our son and we will never stop loving him. He is never more then a heartbeat away.

Dusting Off An Old Friend

Wow, hold on one minute.

(Grabbing some Windex and a dust cloth. Proceeds to clean off blog.)

Sorry about that. I didn't realize how much dust had collected on this thing.

Well, long time no see! How's it been? You doing okay? That's good to hear. And me? Well, it's been interesting to say the least. I won't go into detail here. I'm working on getting the dust cleared around here and doing what I need to get my creative juices going again.

Just wanted to let you know that the blog is back up and running. Hopeful no more major interruptions. Too bad I can't blame it on the screenwriters boycott or anything cool like that.

So, here we go. . .

Normal

"You look good! Everything back to normal?"

"How are things going? Are you finally getting things back to normal?"

"I bet you are happy to be home and getting things back to normal."

" Well, just take your time and things will get back to normal soon."

Normal. Webster's dictionary defines Normal as 1: perpendicular to a tangent at a point of tangency 2 a: according with, constituting, or not deviating from a norm, rule, or principle b: conforming to a type, standard, or regular pattern.

Normal. This has been a word that has been haunting my thoughts ever since I awoke on August 10th. Once upon a time my life way normal. I had normal problems and normal concerns. And despite my Sickle Cell disease, I lived a fairly normal life. But when the events of August 2008 occurred I realized something that most people just don't understand- for me, normal doesn't live here anymore.

"From this point on Michelle, your life and your husband's life will never be the same again. You now have to redefine what normal is for the both of you."

Out of all the hundreds of conversations I had with doctors and nurses and family during my stay in the hospital, it was that one comment above from my social worker, Evonne, that really stood out for me.

What I have gone through physically and mentally is comparable to what a solider in war goes through. After seeing so much blood and violence, after seeing your own hands stained with the death of strangers that you killed in order to survive, after your nostrils have been filled with the scent of death, how can you return home, sit in a cubicle at work and go back to a 'normal' life. The answer is, you can't. And neither can I.

No, I didn't have to fight overseas and kill people for survival. But my body did go to war. It felt betrayed when a part of it's system stopped working. It fought to stay alive. It has fought to relearn how to walk and talk and lift a spoon to feed itself. And now my body and mind fights to figure out what all just happened to me and what the hell it all means.

Trauma changes you- sometimes for better, sometimes for worse.

Now, here I stand having been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder , the same thing many Vietnam vets suffer from and now many of our solders in Iraq are being diagnosed with.

The 'normal' life I had before August 3rd is gone now. It died along with my liver. Now I must pick up the pieces of my old life, try to salvage what I can and -with time, help and healing- fashion a 'new normal' for myself and my family.

So, in response to every one's comments and questions- no, things are not back to normal and they never will be. But each day the pain gets a little less painful and life gets a little bit easier to live with. Just thought you should know.

Going Forward With The Past

Wow, I can't believe how long it has been since the last time I updated the family blog. Ray has been dropping hints to me weekly about updating the blog. Everyone has been kind enough not to put direct pressure on me, but it is easy to tell how much my blog has been missed.

I never realized how many peopel looked forward to what I write. I don't consider much of what I say on these pages to me of much importance. Just a simple update to keep the family informed of our comings and goings.

(I guess I should stop here for a minute and give a little warning: If by some strange reason you were left out of the loop of what happened to me last August, please stop right now and read the following article: http://www.mercurynews.com/peninsula/ci_11427040. Otherwise, none of the stuff I talk about from this point on will make no sense to you.)

Thank you to everyone who followed the day by day drama and left notes of encouragement on the Caring Bridge website. Thank you for the cards, the food, the gas money, the prayers, the babysitting, the hugs, the blood donations, the love, the faith and the patience. A HUGE thanks to my mom, Carol and mama Linda. You have no idea how powerful the prayers of a mother can be!

I also wanted to thank the greatest hero in my life- my husband, Ray. Any boy can buy you flowers and chocolates and say 'I love you', but it takes a real man of faith to stand by his dying wife and have the strength to believe everything will be alright, even when all the facts around him said otherwise. That, my friends, is love.

So, now I will attempt to continue where I left off. Forgive me as I rewind to the past in order to catch up to the present. Wish me luck!

The Picture Show

Finally, on July 18th we got to see our little baby and find out if we would be buying more pink baby clothes or something new and blue.

So, there we were in the ultra sound room, finally. Somehow, on our way to the hospital we missed our exit and ended up next to the cemetery where uncle Frank is buried before we realized what had happened. Ray figured that uncle Frank just wanted to give his blessings before we went in.

Anyway, the ultra sound technician and a resident student were in the room for the full baby exam.

All ten fingers and ten toes were checked, along with head, spine and stomach measurements. Then the technician asked if we wanted to find out what we were having. Oh course we said yes and after a few seconds of moving the ultrasound wand around, she explained what we were looking at.

Ray gripped my hand tightly.

Technician- "Okay, right here is the scrotum and here is the penis and...."

Ray- "YESSSSSSSSSSS!" Jumping up out of his seat with his hands in the air as if he just scored the winning touchdown at the Superbowl.

Everyone in the room jumped from the shock of Ray's response and after her nerves settled back down, the technician continued with the exam. After the ultrasound was done the technician left the room.

A moment later one of the doctors on staff came in and asked me how regular were my periods and was I sure of the date of my last menstrual cycle. (Did she honestly expect me to remember as far back as February? I couldn't even remember what I did yesterday!) Ray asked what was wrong and the doctor explained that even though I came is as being 23 weeks all the measurements from the ultrasound showed that I should actually be 25 weeks. This would change my due date to October 31st. So, since the ultrasound is a bit more accurate then my menstrual counting we decided to go with the new October due date.

Below are the cherished picks of our baby boy, John J. Mattingly.

Imagine sitting your bare butt on top of the copy machine at work. This is how you are looking at this photo. It is the bottom of his butt with his right leg bent at the lower left corner of the picture. The arrow is pointing directly at his boy parts.
(And I don't want to hear any talks about his size. The exam room was cold and you know what happens to guys in cold water.)

Here he is looking right at the camera and blowing bubbles.

A close-up head shot, still look right at the camera.

A profile shot. He is looking up at his foot that he just raised up in front of him.