So, How Do You Feel?

"So, how do you feel?"

I get this question a lot and it seems to have increased about 90% since I've been pregnant. The hard thing is trying to answer this question.

I feel a thousand emotions and at the same time I feel nothing at all. Yes, I feel pregnant. Yes, I feel tired. Yes, I feel hungry. I also feel like crying, screaming, throwing something breakable at a brick wall, and running away where no one can find me.

I feel like I never have the time to do any of the things I want to do. I feel like I move too slow to get the things done that I should do. I feel like I'm trapped on a roller coaster that I never asked to be on.

I feel like I don't have enough of what I want and too much of all the things I don't need.

Oh course, I feel happy to be having another baby. I feel needed and loved my Ray and Elektra. I feel nurtured by my family and I feel peaceful when I pray.

But there are times, yes, many times, when I don't feel like being polite and I don't care to be sociable. There are times when I just feel like 'going black' on everyone who I think deserves it and be unafraid to tell people how I really feel about them.

No, I don't need counseling or mental help. I'm not depressed or stressed. I'm just me. If you really take a look inside yourself you'll realize that there have been days when you felt the same way. Being pregnant just makes you notice these emotions a bit more.

So, when you ask me how I feel and I respond with the same old, "I'm fine", it is because to express to you everything I just said above would take too long and I'm so emotionally charged with these pregnancy hormones that I'd probably start crying before I even got the first sentence out. Just know that I am alive, the baby is healthy and after all these emotions settle down, I truly will be 'just fine'.